A right old trout

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“THIS is what beach hut life is all about. The right kind of people just relaxing together”

So proclaims Stan Billet in Bob Larbey’s ‘Sand Castles’ which plays the Javea Players’ Studio Theatre in Javea’s Old Town from Monday March 27 to Saturday April 1. Which makes one wonder why he has brought his mother on holiday with him. She is a miserable old trout. Her clothes make no concession to the sunshine. She goes nowhere without her umbrella which, do not doubt, she would gleefully use as a weapon at the very slightest provocation and she never stops complaining. Complains about her feet, the long walk to the toilets, the loss of an ice cream, not being lost, the mystery tour, the song Viva Espana – name something, she will have a complaint about it.

Mind you, in fairness to the old girl, she does have Bernice for a daughter in-law, does occasionally burst into song -off key, of course – and she plays no part in the beach war going on around her. That war is all about the ‘right kind of people’ wanting the wrong kind of people to keep their distance. Down beach it is a heaving mass of humanity, up beach, where the beach huts stand, there is space to relax with a proper sense of decorum. And, in an effort to keep things this way, the ‘right kind of people’ bend over backwards to maintain the falsehood that their bit of beach is private property. Little by little the wrong kind of people start eroding the beach hutters’ world and war breaks out when a ‘dreadful’ woman named Mrs Penfold discovers the upper beach is not private property. Battle-lines are drawn when she with a woman called Ida and a Mrs Newman set-up a long wind breaker just a couple of feet in front of the beach huts to stage a protest against people who believe that owning a beach hut makes them Lords of the Manor.

Stan’s mum might be impervious to this war but you will find it hugely amusing if you grab yourself a seat at the Javea Players’ Studio Theatre one evening between Monday March 27 and Saturday April 1. Curtain-up 8 pm. Your seat will cost you just 10 euros and that includes a programme and a pre-show drink and can be reserved on the Players’ website, www.javeaplayers.com ( if you have any problems, ring Tony on 86 552 8551 ). To make your evening extra special treat yourself to a pre-theatre dinner at the La Cocina restaurant, two courses 16 euros: three 19 euros both inclusive of a half-bottle of wine. Reservations 96 579 5140

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