No cause for alarm

No cause for alarm

IT´S happened. Something the script writers of Emmerdale will be able to empathise with: I have finally and comprehensively lost the plot.

My ‘office’, aka the landing at the top of the stairs, is close to our bedroom, and I had just logged in to my computer when the alarm on my bedside clock suddenly started a nerve grating bleep bleep bleeeeeep.

An alarm kicking off at 2.30 in the afternoon is ever so slightly puzzling, but even more puzzling, was the fact that I have never set or used the alarm on this bedside timepiece.

I tend to have a reliable internal clock that alerts me in plenty of time if we have to be at Alicante airport at half past stupid in the morning – several hours too early most of the time, but hey it works.

But if I’m honest, I do not use this particular alarm mostly because the tiny lettering on the controls is so faint that not even with the aid of binoculars can I decipher the instructions, which includes how to turn the thing off.

I switched all the switches and knobbed all the knobs.  I banged the top and turned it upside down, but nothing I did silenced that infernal bleeping sound that was reminiscent of finger nails being dragged across a blackboard.

Then ker-ching! All I had to do was unplug it from the wall and problem solved right?

Nope. The bleeping continued unabated.  It must have a battery backup I thought, but having located the battery compartment and extracted the single AAA, the damn thing still continued its caterwauling.

Was this some sort of unholy revenge for daring to write about black magic the week before?  It simply defied the laws of physics.

So I did the logical thing; I went downstairs and made a pot of tea in the hope that after half an hour it would have exhausted itself into silence.

But no such luck.

Then just as I was considering drowning the damn thing in the toilet, I put the contraption to my ear and only then did I realise that in fact the alarm was not from my clock at all, but the small travel one that my wife had been messing around with earlier, and was sitting on her bedside table opposite.

I’m much calmer now and the Princess says that the nice white van with the pretty coloured stripes down the side will be arriving shortly.

Sarcasm is so unattractive.

© No part of this web site may be reproduced without written permission from the publishers. All rights reserved. Todos los derechos reservados.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

We welcome comments from readers on our website and across our social networks. We invite you to discuss issues and share your views and we encourage robust debate and criticism provided it is civil.

However we reserve the right to reject or edit comments that:

• Contain offensive language
• Include personal attacks of any kind
• Are likely to offend or target any ethnic, racial, nationality or religious group
• Are homophobic, transphobic, sexist, offensive or obscene
• Contain spam or include links to other sites
• Are clearly off topic
• Impersonate an individual or organisation, are fraudulent, defamatory of any person, threatening or invasive of another’s privacy or otherwise illegal
• Are trolling or threatening
• Promote, advertise or solicit the sale of any goods or services

You grant us a non-exclusive, royalty-free, perpetual, worldwide licence to republish any material you submit to us, without limitation, in any format.