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I know where you live! All of you…

MANY years ago in the early days of social media I had a look at the various offerings. Basically, I wanted to see what the offer was, the motivation behind what was at the time a hugely-hyped segment of new technology, or actually an application...

“Oh God, I am so depressed”

SO said Marvin, the manically depressed robot, in the “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” the seminal BBC radio programme, book and film first aired 40-years-ago. An American, it would be an American, and a neuroscientist has announced that robots may get depressed if they think...

‘You’re barred!’

SO, there I was taking a fag break outside the Brighton gay sex shop where I once had a part-time job when this creature roughly the size of Gibraltar was suddenly in my face, coughing and fanning her nose with a hand stolen from...

The silence of the lambs

AT first glance it may seem an exaggeration to say that the West is today as authoritarian as it was in the Soviet Bloc. In Soviet occupied Europe one could lose one’s job and even one’s liberty for an unguarded comment. Who can deny that in...

Anti-social media – did Auntie know best?

TO any Briton older than 30 the BBC looms large. Live in Australia, South America or anywhere in Europe and the World Service was a key link to home. Episodes of ‘Just a Minute’ heard on shortwave reminded me of rain and cream teas when the...

All Fools Day

YESTERDAY was 1 April and I was keeping a sharp lookout for April Fools stories in the press, TV and even radio. Also known as All Fools Day, April Fools are those of us who fall victim to practical japes and jokes on 1 April. I...

Scandalous eggs at Easter

HOLY WEEK ahead and Palm Sunday behind us. Little children handed their palms to be blessed - puzzled but excited - and not sure exactly why. Older siblings perhaps pointing out that in a few days the Easter eggs will be shared out. Another year and...

‘Pest from the East’ may return for Easter

FOR many years in Britain we have been stridently warned global warming is a real and present danger so it’s a bit dispiriting to look out of the window and see snow falling. Again. A view from pretty much any window across the UK is of...

Please bring back the Thirteen Club

A WHILE back I wrote about 1881, a significant year in which the Fray Bentos meat company was formed and the atheist magazine for which I work - The Freethinker - was launched. Well 1881, I’ve just learned, also marked the first meeting of New...

Error terror of air travel

MY jet-setting son suggested that he would welcome the onset of pilotless flying. Recoiling in horror, I heatedly replied that nothing would get me to board a computer-managed airliner. In fact, many air disasters result not from mechanical but from pilot error. It is possible to...

Worse things happen at sea?

THE weather is a large feature of a maritime nation’s daily conversations, mainly as the weather changes quite quickly. Changes and developments occur from hour to hour never mind season to season or even week to week, but are rarely fierce. We contrast our weather to...

Taken for mugs

THE British electorate, are constantly cheated, scorned and taken for fools by their self-styled lords and masters. The latest insult is a peer’s impudent demand that the retired elderly should do community work or lose their pensions. Lord Bichard, or Baron Bichard to you...

Break a leg

SINCE packing away my directorial baton and discontinuing my theatrical activities, it has been five long years of having nothing to do each evening other than entertaining friends at al fresco nights spent around the garden bar (sigh). Sampling an assortment of unfamiliar wines...

Floods on the way…

THE endless and repetitive coverage of the Brexit process was knocked off the front pages and down the running order of the TV and radio coverage by the weather. Sightings of polar bears on the M62 motorway were discounted as an exaggeration. Though the Scottish...

Dear Bijou, I’m so sorry I called you a mutt

ALMOST six years ago two small rescue dogs nervously entered our 31st floor apartment. Acquired from the delightful Linda Jean, who established a charity called For the Love of Cats and Dogs after she settled in Spain in 2009, the pair were discovered in...

Catastrophes, slow burn and flash

THERE are disasters and then there are catastrophes. Some are a slow burn others flash across. A disaster is when you are in the words of one desperate Kentucky Fried Chicken addict “forced to go to Burger King” as related in a video clip first...

The making of a legend

PRESIDENTS and premiers concede that media, rather than the ballot box, decide who rules parliaments. Media can break and they can make legends. One of mainstream’s most enduring creations was that of Nelson Mandela. Indeed, media beatification of one of the world’s most toxic terrorists...

When lunatics run the asylum

ALL countries face the dilemma of how best to deal with the mentally and physically handicapped, born as a consequence of hereditary defects. Until quite recent times it was government policy to reduce the problem by state enforced sterilisation. The United States was the first...

This mortal coil

SOMEBODY used the expression ‘shuffling off this mortal coil’ recently, then, shortly after, it cropped up in a book I was reading. We all know pretty much what it means and I have heard it a million times before, but I wondered where such an...

Warning: this column contains nuts

SO this guy - let’s call him Cecil - walks into his local FonesAreUs branch and tells an assistant that the Samsung he bought just a week before isn’t working properly. “Let’s see,” says the assistant. He then notices a big brown lump stuck to...

Spring cleaning’s a danger to health

AS the season of Lent takes hold I start looking forward to Easter. The nagging voice at the back of my mind though says it’s time to at least consider spring cleaning. Not that I am eager to spring clean far from it though de-cluttering...

Where is everybody?

THE rush hour traffic in the towns and cities of the UK have been much eased by half term, the schools have taken a week or two off and the great weight of 4x4’s or 'Chelsea tractors' has been suddenly lifted. Mothers and their children...

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International People’s Fair returns to the Costa del Sol

THE International People’s Fair (La Feria Internacional de los Pueblos) returns to Fuengirola this week, offering the chance to see the world in five...

Holiday sickness scam clampdown praised

FOLLOWING the announcement that the UK Government will fix the legal costs that can be claimed in package holiday sickness claims, travel agent organisation...

Torremolinos sports centre in health cuts storm

MEMBERS of the Torremolinos Sports Centre have called for a rally in protest at the “dismantling” of the health facilities there. The gathering is scheduled...

Balcony fall injures 5 year-old child in southern Spain

A FIVE year-old boy has been wounded after falling from a balcony in Manilva. The child fell from the first floor of a house and...

Police seize 340 kilos of clams in Costa del Sol raids

A 340 kilogram haul of clams has been seized in a joint police raid in Marbella and Manilva. The seafood was found in sports bags...

Jellyfish invasion closes Costa Blanca beach

VISITORS to beaches up and down the Costa Blanca have been greeted by a larger than expected number of jellyfish for this time of...

I know where you live! All of you…

MANY years ago in the early days of social media I had a look at the various offerings. Basically, I wanted to see what the...

Valli Seasons tour update

IT takes considerable time to arrange even a short overseas tour with the need to find venues and promote the events. But to then discover...

The earth won’t move for you!

ON Monday April 23 there WILL be a 6.5 magnitude earthquake in the Murcia area... and that WILL be followed by another 5.7 in...

Fake documents were ‘extraordinary quality’

A 37-YEAR-OLD man has been arrested after being found to have a fake passport. He was detained following being routinely stopped by the National Police...

Another brick in Marbella’s wall

MAYOR of Marbella Ángeles Muñoz performed a formal ceremony laying the first brick in the building of an all-inclusive family resort. Club Med, which first...

THE ITALIAN JOB: Counterfeit money introduced to Spain from Italy

TWO men in Alicante and a third in Barcelona have been arrested by the National Police in connection with introducing counterfeit money to Spain...

Guardia Civil investigating child hanging

A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD boy has been found hanged in Murcia. The youngster was discovered in the house where he lived with his family in a neighbourhood...

Emergency housesitter to the rescue – it’s twins!

A FEW times a year people reach out to us with an emergency request for petsitters. Two weeks ago, a new homeowner contacted us...